The Villain and the Vixen
by littleAliengrl
Summary: When the gang deals with budget cuts, Sheldon devises a plan involving dressing up as super villains and kidnapping a certain blonde actress in order to get out of it. What he doesn't realize at first is that he kidnapped the wrong girl. He kidnapped none other than his ex-gf, Amy. In such close proximity to the only girl he ever care for...old feelings are bound to resurface.


A/N: Glad I finally got around to writing a TBBT fanfic. :) Can't tell you how much I dig the Shamy!

* * *

**The Villain and the Vixen**

_Chapter 1: Suit Up or Shut Up_

Howard practically bullrushed Raj to get to the couch. "Tell me it hasn't started yet!"

Leonard glanced up from his tray of Thai food and grinned. "Nah, you're just in time. Penny's interview is gonna start right after this commercial."

"Penny is so gorgeous," Raj gushed. "On a scale between one and ten, she'd easily be an eleven."

The other two men nodded in unanimous agreement while Sheldon simply rolled his eyes from his spot on the couch.

"Granted that this woman has some talent, I see no comprehensible reason why we should watch her on anything that's not movie or television-related."

"Ssh! It's starting," Howard exclaimed.

The scene before them revealed a very attractive blonde woman sitting on a red leather couch across from a bespectacled interviewer.

_"So you're from Nebraska, correct?"_

_Penny nodded, smiling. "Born and raised," she proudly admitted. "Grew up on a farm, could fix a tractor by the time I was twelve and can hog-tie and castrate a guy in six different ways."_

Raj and Leonard winced and instinctively crossed one leg over the other at her confession. Howard gawked at the screen, food entirely forgotten on his lap.

"I don't know whether to be scared or_ turned on_." He grinned. "I like a woman who knows how to put her hands to good use."

Sheldon gave him an odd look. "Again, why're we watching this? I thought we had agreed we'd watch Battlestar Gallactica tonight."

Leonard gave Sheldon a pointed look. "No. _You_ agreed to that. It's _Anything Can Happen Thursday_." He gave a non-committal shrug and a slight cock of his head. "Just go with it."

Before Sheldon could protest further, Raj bounced up and down in his seat enthusiastically. He pointed his plastic fork at the television.

"Hush! She's talking again!"

_"You rose to fame in your sci-fi original series _Metamorphosis_, where you played an alien girl who could jump through different alternate realities as well as shapeshift as the series progressed. Practically each episode felt like watching a movie. What was that whole experience like for you?"_

_"Well, after years of working at the Cheesecake Factory, one Hemeroid commercial, a cut scene from CSI and a really bad movie about a killer ape, my agent found me this role saying they were looking for a spunky blonde. At first I wasn't too sure about it because I'll be the first to admit I'm not really into Sci-Fi but he handed me the script and I was _hooked_. I knew there was definite potential there and that I couldn't risk letting the part slip away."_

_"You've found yourself with yet another sci-fi role. Tell us about the movie."_

_"It's about this girl from the country that moves to Miami where she meets these two nerdy but sweet guys and gets into a bunch of weird and funny situations with them."_

_"Love triangle?"_

_Penny giggled. "No! No way. One of the nerds has a crush on me and the other one is this adorable germaphobe and a real weirdo who struggles to interact with people. My character ends up befriending him anyway."_

_"Is it true Wil Wheaton will also star alongside with you?"_

_"Yes, he is. He's a really great guy. He's so funny." She laughed with a shake of her head. "May Bianca is also starring as the germaphobe's potential love interest."_

_"May Bianca? As in from the hit tv series _**Flower Power**_?"_

_"That's the one."_

_"What's it like working with her?"_

_"Oh, hate her. Don't even get me started." At the surprised look on the interviewer's face, she slapped him hard on the shoulder and laughed. "I'm just kidding! She's very cool and easy to work with. I'm glad they decided to add her into the plot. One of my dearest friends is working with us onset. She's a neurobiologist, the same as May Bianca's character and my friend is acting as both a consultant for the movie and as my stunt double."_

_"Wow...acting is quite a leap from neurobiology."_

_"Yeah, I know. You don't know how hard it was for me to talk her into it, especially for this one scene that she comes out in with a few lines of her own."_

Leonard chewed the inside of his cheek and shook his head. "I can't believe I met her all those years ago before she was discovered. We had that one date and then the next day she wasn't working at the Cheesecake Factory anymore."

"Which, we still don't believe you about, by the way," Howard said.

Leonard sighed in exasperation. "I can't just make this stuff up, you guys."

"Sure you can. Maybe the date was all a fantasy of yours. You wanted it to be real so bad that your subconscious made you think it really happened," Raj stated, taking a sip of his water. "Nothing to be ashamed about, dude. I do it all the time. If I concentrate hard enough..."

Both Howard and Raj cracked up at this. Leonard gave them a sarcastic look before returning his attention to his meal.

"Right and Howard isn't living with his mother and Raj doesn't have problem with talking to women unless alcohol is involved. Come talk to me whenever _your_ little fantasies are over." Leonard turned to Sheldon who was picking at his Thai food. "Sheldon, will you please tell them I really met Penny?"

Sheldon paused mid-bite, looking wide-eyed and curious. "I wish I could Leonard...but I clearly remember the day you claim to have met this woman. September 24th 2007." He suddenly had a faraway look in his eyes. "We had a waiter not a waitress attending us."

Leonard slapped a hand against his forehead, clenching his teeth in aggravation. "Yes, we had a waiter but you left in a hurry because you wanted to go to the comic book store. You went to wait for me in the car while I paid. The male waiter never came over to get my check because he was too busy flirting with some girl. That's when Penny came over. Remember? You kept texting me to hurry up."

"I remember everything. I have eidetic memory," Sheldon said matter-of-factly. "Now switch the channel already. Battlestar Gallactica is already six minutes in," he exclaimed, pointing at his watch.

As usual, Sheldon ended up winning about what they'd watch that night. The night went on just as Sheldon had wanted yet he was far from pleased. Sheldon closed his bedroom door and he walked over to his nightstand to turn on his laptop. The screen glowed to life and soon he was able to view his desktop. He sat himself cross-legged on the bed, pointing the arrow at a file enigmatically labeled _'Yam'_. Inside the file was various pictures of yams he saved on there in case Leonard or one of the guys ever felt like snooping. Labeling it _'AFF'_ seemed just a tad too obvious. At the far bottom was the one and only picture he had taken years ago of Amy- the one that used to be his screensaver. He clicked on the picture to enlarge it, staring blankly at it for a few moments.

He didn't even know why he still had it. It was just something that he liked to look at every now and then as a reminder. A reminder of what exactly? A reminder of what a great loss she was? The pain he felt when she left? A reminder that she was the first and only girl he ever truly connected with? Sheldon ground his teeth together as he shut the laptop off and placed it beside his bed. He regretted that he had invested so much time accommodating her into his life as his girlfriend only for her to undo all of that by ending the relationship. In the end, he just wasn't able to make her to stay. It was like his father used to say, _"Stick to your fancy sciencey stuff. Women ain't nothin' but trouble, Shelly." _In his own unconventional way, George had had his wise moments.

A knock was heard at the door, making Sheldon straighten his back like a meerkat.

"Yes?"

"Can I come in for a minute?"

"Sure."

Leonard opened the door, poking his head in for a moment before stepping inside entirely.

"Are you alright, buddy?"

"Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, earlier while we were watching that Penny interview, you seemed kind of down when..." Leonard scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "Well, when they mentioned Penny's neurobiologist friend."

Sheldon stiffened up at this, avoiding Leonard's gaze. "...If you're referring to my previous attachment to Amy Farrah Fowler, I am perfectly fine. Such a small mention of an insignificant study like neurobiology is not enough to stir emotions in Sheldon Cooper," he declared.

"Are you sure?" Leonard frowned. "I mean, I know it's been a year since the split but if you want to talk about it- "

"Talking about things is for girls and hippies." Sheldon rolled his eyes. "I'm not one nor the other."

Leonard gave him a long leveled look, nodding uncertainly after a long moment of consideration.

"Alright, for the record, I just wanted to check in with you."

"The record shall so reflect." Sheldon nodded curtly. "I appreciate your concern but as you mentioned before, it's been a year. A year that feels so long ago, it should be classified as a year within the Stone Age."

Leonard raised an eyebrow. "Sooo...you're really fine, then?" he asked, looking quite skeptical.

"Never been better."

"OK...well, goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Sheldon watched as Leonard closed the door behind him silently. Sheldon opened his laptop again to see the picture of Amy staring back at him. His gaze softened momentarily before his entire body stiffened up. His eyes closed and he lapsed back into his practice of Kohlinar- an act he hadn't had to resort to in several months. He inhaled and exhaled deeply as the image of Amy slowly faded from within his mind. Sheldon opened his eyes and clicked out of the '_Yams'_ document. He glanced at his alarm clock. His bed time was rapidly approaching.

* * *

The whole hair and make up process was one of the worst parts of the acting business, Penny had quickly discovered. She had grown up on a farm for crying out loud. There wasn't a single part of her that wished to remain still as she waited for the final touches on her hair. Penny beamed when she saw Amy approaching her out of the corner of her eye.

"Amy! There you are!"

The bespectacled neuroscientist skid to a stop in front of her friend, extending a Starbucks coffee cup for her to take.

"Brought you some mocha, bestie," Amy chirped.

Penny graciously took the coffee cup from her and took a small sip. She laid fully back against her chair with her arms hanging off the sides as she let out a sigh of relief.

"Penny, I need you to stay still," Rene, her hair dresser, reprimanded.

"Right, sorry." Penny resumed her earlier position on her chair, facing in the direction of her light-bulb framed mirror.

"Thank you. You have no idea how much I needed that."

Amy leaned against the vanity table, taking tentative sips from her own coffee.

"Long day, huh?"

"You don't know the half of it. I just want this day to be over already. You, me and Bernadette should do something tonight- let's go dancing! Go scope out some guys." Penny raised her eyebrows suggestively. "We might even find you a guy to take home with you."

"Titillating offer." Amy inclined her head, her mouth breaking into a full on grin moments later. "It has actually been a rather long time since the three of us last had a girl's night."

"The three of us need new outfits." Penny glanced at her make up artist. "Rene, can I have a few moments alone with Amy, please?"

"Sure. Just one sec..." Rene finished the last wavy curl on Penny's head. "OK then. You're good to go. You're wanted on set in five minutes."

"Alright, cool."

Penny waited for Rene to be out of earshot before snapping around to face Amy, excitement rolling off of her in waves.

"I found these great dresses we can wear for tonight," she said in hushed tones. She sashayed toward the rack of gowns beside Amy and pulled out a purple one with capped sleeves. "This one would look perfect on Bernadette. And this one right here..." She pulled out a metallic green satin dress with spaghetti straps. It had a black oval-shaped rhinestone at the center right where the cleavage would be on full display. Tiny clear rhinestones dotted either side of the black rhinestone. It had a ruched waist and hemline that ended just above the knees. "This shade of green would bring out the color in your eyes so nicely.

Amy chewed her bottom lip in worry. "But Penny this stuff belongs to the costume department as well as the studio. This would be considered stealing."

Penny _'pfft'_ed and waved her hand in dismissal, looking around cautiously before turning back to Amy.

"We're not stealing anything. Just borrowing. We'll have this stuff back tomorrow before they even notice it's gone."

"Is there a cardigan to go with this dress?"

"No, absolutely not." Penny narrowed her eyes and wagged her finger at Amy. "No cardigans tonight. You gotta try something new once in a while. Tonight, you're showing arms and knees."

Amy fingered the hem of the green dress before playing with the ends of her hair nervously.

"I don't know about this. I need to have a cardigan with me." She sighed and gestured at Penny. "I don't have your wonderfully structured arms."

"Oh, sweetie, you need to stop being so down on yourself. Admittedly, I'd kill for those hips of yours." Penny wrapped an arm around Amy's shoulders. "But I shouldn't make you do anything you're uncomfortable with. Alright, you can wear a cardigan IF you promise to ditch the tights just for tonight."

Amy glanced down at the black tights she wore and grinned. "That I think I can manage."

Penny glanced down at her watch. "Gotta get back on set. Will you get to stay and watch me?"

"Of course. I do so enjoy watching you perform within your element." Amy wrapped her arm around Penny's, smiling brightly. "Lead the way, bestie."

* * *

"Hewwo, wosers."

The four scientists glanced up sourly at the sound of Kripke's condescending Elmer Fudd voice.

"Hey, Kripke," Leonard mumbled, staring pointedly at his mashed potatoes as he picked at them.

"I'm assuming you guys have already heard about the budget cuts?"

"What about it?" Howard grumbled.

"I'm assuming you guys are either gonna kiss ass to the members of the board or you're gonna get everyone's favorite gigolo to get the money for you," Kripke said, smirking.

Leonard's head shot up to glare at Kripke. "I am_ not_ going to prostitute myself and for the last time, I didn't have sex with that woman for the money!"

"Sure, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night, Hofstadter." Kripke snickered as he walked away.

Sheldon glanced at Leonard who had gone back to picking at his food, grumbling as he did so about money and prostitutes.

"Are you sure there's absolutely no way you would go back to the gigolo life? I have to say, Leonard, it seemed you had a spectacular knack for- "

"No!" Leonard sighed in aggravation, rubbing at his temples. "That's never happening ever again." He glanced at Howard and Raj. "We're just gonna have to do it the old fashioned way. Suck up to the members of the board like Kripke was saying."

"Sheldon Lee Cooper does not suck up to anyone," Sheldon stated.

"Then what do you suggest?" Howard asked, turning his gaze skyward in an attempt to summon up some form patience to deal with his eccentric friend.

"I..." Sheldon opened and closed his mouth before narrowing his eyes at Howard. "I have the perfect solution. My brilliant mind just...doesn't wish to share it with you at this point and time," he cried out childishly, before grabbing his tray to leave.

The trio of friends watched Sheldon go with the oddest faces.

"This whole budget cut business must be really getting to him," Raj concurred with a frown.

"He's just being his usual Sheldon self." Howard shrugged. "There's really no other way around it. We have no choice but to kiss ass. Unless..." He raised his eyebrows suggestively at his bespectacled friend.

"My answer is still no!" Leonard cried out in frustration. "It was one night and it's over and it's never happening again. Got it?"

"Alright, alright." Howard grinned. "No, need to get so crabby about it."

"He's right." Raj nodded sagely, patting Leonard's shoulder. "You took one for the team. There's nothing to be ashamed about. That kind of thing promotes great karma where I'm from."

"Yup. Plus, Sheldon showed us a picture of that lady in her younger years." Howard whistled. "Whoo! She was quite a looker if I do say so myself."

"Can we please stop talking about this?" Leonard groaned, rubbing at his eyes tiredly.

Before either of his friends could say anything, the buzzing sound of a text was heard. Leonard quickly scooped up his cell phone, grateful for the temporary distraction. He raised an eyebrow at the enigmatic message.

**Meet me in my office straight away. Bring me a Nutter Butter while you're at it. I think I might know what to do about our budget cut situation. Don't mention this to Wolowitz or Koothrapalli. I don't wish to include them in my brilliant idea until or unless I see fit.**

**- Sheldon Lee Cooper**

Leonard frowned down at the message, heaving a large sigh before rising to his feet.

"I'll see you guys later." He strode over to the vending machine, fishing for quarters in his pocket as he did so.

Leonard found himself knocking on Sheldon's door, and immediately came Sheldon's voice, telling him to come in. He walked in only to find Sheldon scribbling away at his dry-eraser board.

"What's going on? Why so secretive?"

"Close the door and all will be revealed." Sheldon grinned, snapping the cap of the marker back into place.

Leonard kicked the door closed with the heel of his converse and proceeded to lean against Sheldon's desk.

Sheldon used a laser pointer to point at three pictures; a question mark, a clown face and a two-sided coin.

"What do these three pictures have in common?"

Leonard clasped his chin pensively. "Umm...OK, let's see...a question mark, a clown face and a two-sided coin. I say it's a round about way of getting to the point which I wish you would just get to already." He pointed at his watch. "I need to be back in the lab in less than five minutes."

Sheldon gave him a dry look. "Leonard, I couldn't make this more obvious if I tried but it looks I'm going to slow walk you to the answer, after all." Leonard rolled his eyes at this. "I'll give you a hint. These three images belong to the DC universe."

Leonard stared at the picture closely before jolting upright in excitement. "Oh! Oh! The Riddler, Joker and Two-Face!" He paused. "They're all villains."

"Precisely," Sheldon stated, setting the laser pointer down on his desk. "You do recall once mentioning that we play the heroes far too often when we play video games, correct?"

"Alright..." Leonard said slowly, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Also that actress, Penny that you, Koothrapalli and Wolowitz fawn over is currently in Pasadena."

"So...?"

Sheldon rolled his eyes. "So our budget cut problem would be easily rectified if we were to become villains and kidnap Penny for ransom money."

Leonard was quiet for a long moment. "OK...I know I say this a lot so I know it's lost a lot of it's meaning but Sheldon are you insane?!"

"My mother-

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had you tested. It really doesn't help matters no matter how many times I hear that," Leonard spat.

"Just think about the possibilities, Leonard. No proverbially kissing anyones' buttocks. We'd get to wear costumes. We'd live out the ultimate villain fantasy. What do you say, Leonard?" Sheldon grinned, clasping his hands together and rubbing them in excitement.

Leonard wordlessly walked across the room and slammed the door shut behind him.

Sheldon blinked. "He's intrigued that is for certain."

* * *

"It's been ages since we all last went out together like this," Bernadette chirped.

Amy bounced a little in between both girls. "I know! This is so exciting. I feel like such a vixen without my tights," she exclaimed, glancing down at her bare, recently shaven legs.

Penny flashed her a smile. "You look great, Amy. What am I saying? We all do."

The cab pulled to a stop and all three girls piled out. They grinned at each other before walking past the line of people. The bouncer gave the girls a quick once over before his eyes settled on Penny.

He blinked, once, twice before his eyes widened in recognition. "Penny?_ The_ Penelope- "

The sound of her last name leaving his lips was drowned out by the sound of several guys and girls screaming with excitement upon laying eyes on her.

Penny gave him a saucy wink. "Yup. That's me."

The bouncer quickly unlinked the chain dividing the entryway. "Please, step right this way, Miss- "

"Thank you, sweetie!"

Penny pulled Amy and Bernadette along with her as they entered the strobe light and hormone infested area. They found a table near the bar, leaning their elbows on the black glossy surface of it as they glanced around in excitement.

"What about that one?" Penny asked, pointing at a tall, thin guy with a long dark sleeved shirt and matching pants.

Amy gave him a quick look and shook her head. "Too tall."

Penny and Bernadette both exchanged confused glances at this. Bernadette looked past Amy and smiled.

"That one's pretty cute. Don'tcha think?"

Amy followed Bernadette's line of sight to see a guy with short-cropped blonde hair, exposing most of his forehead.

"Forehead's too wide."

"Amy, isn't that kind of shallow? So who cares if you can practically project a movie on that guys forehead. He's cute and I bet he's a really nice guy," Penny tried to reason.

"Umm...I'm pretty sure I saw him try to slip something into a girl's drink earlier," Amy quickly covered up.

Penny and Bernadette both shared looks of equal disgust. "Sick. Good that you're so observant, though. We also need to keep an eye out and make sure you don't end up going to some creep's home." She glanced around seeing a well groomed guy with red hair and glasses sitting by himself at the corner of the bar. "I think we have a winner. Check him out, Ames."

Amy stared at the guy for a moment. "His eyes are too-

"Too what? Too blue?"

Amy stared from Penny to the guy and then back at Penny. She sighed, running an anxious hand through her curls.

"Yes, actually. I'm sorry. It feels like every guy in here reminds me of Sheldon." She pressed her hands against her temples and shook her head. "I shouldn't have come. I need to go."

She grabbed her purse and just as she was about to turn to go, she ran right smack into a solid chest. She gasped lightly, turning around with an apology ready on her lips.

"Zach?" Penny gasped out.

"Hey, Penny. How are you?"

"I'm good," she said, bobbing her head. "Real good. How the heck are ya?!" She slapped his back enthusiastically.

"Doing pretty good myself. Just got out from my shift," he said, jerking his thumb behind him at the bar.

Penny blinked. "You work here?"

"Yeah, just started working earlier this month." He gave Amy a side long glance. "I noticed your friend and wanted to be the first to offer her a drink." He grinned at her as he held out an apple martini for her to take.

Bernadette and Penny exchanged sly looks before turning back to observe Zach and Amy's exchange.

"For me?" Amy blinked.

"I don't see any other pretty girl here, do you?" Zach glanced around mockingly before looking back at Amy who smiled shyly. She stared down at the red liquid for a few moments before finally accepting it. Zach suddenly leaned into her unnervingly close. "Whoah...you have green eyes. Green is my favorite color of all time," he gasped out.

"You don't say," Amy said awkwardly, glancing in the direction of the girls who were making shooing motions for her to keep talking to him. "Umm...you know, the two of us had a previous encounter a few years ago."

"Seriously?" Zach's eyes widened.

"Yeah. Maybe this might jog your memory." Amy reached inside her purse and pulled out her glasses. She slipped them back onto her face and regarded Zach with a mischievous grin.

"Oh, my God! I totally didn't recognize you. You're like freaking Clark Kent slash Superman." Zach chuckled. "The glasses completely change you somehow but it's a good kind of change, ya know? You're like a sexy librarian in those glasses."

Amy laughed. "Stop it. No, I'm not."

"Uhh, yeah. You are" Zach's eyes widened incredulously and nodded. "Remind me why I didn't take you up on your sex offer that time?"

"Maybe because I wasn't dressed pretty. The way I dressed then is the way I dress now." Amy glanced down at herself. "Tonight was an exception."

_'It also had something to do with the fact that after talking to you for just a few seconds, I realized we were intellectually incompatible with one another.'_

"Lucky for me."

"Why?"

"Because I want to personally escort you to the dancefloor." Zach offered his hand to her.

Amy stared down at his hand. "Umm...thank you but I should be going." She gave a one shouldered shrug. "Perhaps another time."

"It's like Albert Einstein once said _'There's no better time than the present.'_"

Amy laughed. "I don't think Albert Einstein ever said that."

Zach looked genuinely confused. "Really? Hmm..." He shrugged. "Well, some old dead guy must have said it and whoever it was, is a seriously wise dude." He gave Amy a knowing look. "It's a perfect time to dance. I'm off duty, you look gorgeous and the night is young."

"...Alright. Maybe just one dance but I warn you I only really know how to dance a waltz."

"Then we'll do a waltz," Zach said simply. "But you'll have to teach me."

Amy chuckled. "Don't you think we'd look a little out of place doing the waltz in a place like this?" she asked, gesturing at the strobe lights and the sweaty gyrating people.

"Hmm...yeah, you're probably right. Alright, you can teach me the waltz next time and in exchange I'll teach you how to dance club style." Zach extended his hand once more for Amy to take.

This time she accepted it and let him lead her through the throngs of people. They were now standing at the center of the club with an array of yellows, blues, greens and reds reflecting off of their skins.

"OK, it's super simple." Zach's hands settled on Amy's shoulders and squeezed them gently. "You just go with the flow. You can start with a little side to side motion and then you jerk your shoulders around. From there you just kind of just sway to the music."

Amy did as instructed and suddenly had a giggles fit as she tried to hide her face behind her hands.

"I feel so silly!"

"Don't be. Do what feels right," Zach murmured, placing his hands on the small of her back as he moved against her.

Amy hesitantly placed her hands on his shoulders as she moved with him, imitating his movements.

"You're doing good." Zach spun her around real quick before bringing her back to him. He chuckled. "You're a natural."

Amy smiled. "Well, I had a great teacher."

"Funny that you say that. Not a lot of people seem to think I would make a good one. In high school, I always wanted to be a gym teacher because I felt really bad for the disabled kids who sat on the sidelines while they watched everyone have fun."

"Aww, that sounds like such a sweet profession."

"I know, right? And if that didn't work out, I had an equally awesome back up job."

"Which was...?"

"A lunch teacher. 'Cause I mean, who doesn't love food?!"

Amy's eyebrows drew together. "You mean a Home Economics teacher?"

"That's the one where they cook, right?"

"Yes," Amy answered back slowly, giving Zach the most incredulous look.

God, he was an idiot but at least he was cute, Amy would give him that.

"Then yeah!"

"Why didn't you become a gym teacher or a home economics teacher?" Amy asked even though she already knew the answer.

"Because I wasn't really interested in studying." Zach shrugged. "I had a back up for my back up job, though. I was in a band with three other dudes. We were called **The Slammin' Clams**."

Amy tried but failed miserably at holding back the laughter that that brought out of her. Zach frowned at this.

"I'm...I'm sorry! I shouldn't be...l-laughing it's just-!" Amy cut herself off and couldn't burst into full on hysterics.

"Excuse me, Amy, but I don't think there's anything funny whatsoever about clams."

"No, not at all." Amy quickly righted herself. "Clams aren't particularly funny per se but don't you think that people may have thought that clams might have stood for something else...?"

"Like what?"

Amy suppressed another laugh. "Like maybe...a certain lady part."

Zach blinked before realization dawned on his face. "Oh...oh! Man, now it all makes sense- why everyone would laugh when we would tell them our band name or when we would be introduced us on stage at a club."

Amy couldn't help but find his frustrated pout cute. "It could have happened to anyone," Amy reassured him, patting his arm. "At least you weren't bullied in high school. People liked you and probably thought you were just being ironic with the band name."

"You were bullied?" Zach's eyes widened.

"Yes, I was. I'd go into the stories but there's just too many. We'd be here all night." Amy grinned.

"But why would anyone want to bully you? You're so interesting."

Amy actually felt herself blush. "I-I really don't think I'm that interesting."

"Sure, you are."

The night went on with their back and forth chatter. Once it got late, Penny called her from the other side of the dancefloor to let her know they should start heading to a hotel already.

Amy slipped her cellphone back into her purse. "I have to go. Tonight was supposed to be a girl's night. I don't get to see Penny as much so..."

Zach held up a hand to stop her and smiled. "Hey, it's alright. I understand. But I can't let you leave without getting your number first."

Amy blinked. "Are you sure you want mine?"

"Never been more sure of anything." Zach grinned. "We could go out and eat clams together sometime." He smirked.

Amy chuckled. "Yes, we could. You ready to take it down?"

Zach took out his own cell phone and nodded at each number Amy gave him as he pressed it into the keypad.

"Got it. I'll be texting you soon." He leaned in quickly and pecked her cheek, surprising Amy before he disappeared into the dancing crowd.

She could only stare at after him as she touched the place he had kissed her with a look of wonder. The girls had soon found themselves sharing a room at the nearest motel. Amy fell back onto the bed, followed by Penny and Bernadette.

"Sooo...did you like him?" Penny asked, propping her chin in one hand.

Bernadette grinned. "Yeah, spill."

Amy couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips. "Yeah...I kind of did." She shrugged, combing her fingers through her hair. "What can I say? He may not be very intelligent but he was so sweet and funny tonight." She drew her brows together. "I think I wrote him off too quickly the first time."

"You mean when you took back your sex offer?" Penny teased.

Amy blushed. "I was...thinking irrationally back then. It was the first time in a very long time that I had been so sexually attracted to someone in such a powerful way. Obviously, I can't sleep with someone I barely know."

"When are you going to see him again?" Bernadette asked, quirking her head curiously.

"I'm not sure. We never agreed on a precise day."

"I think you should wait at least three days before calling him," Penny said matter-of-factly.

"What?" Bernadette squeaked, rising to sit on her knees. "That's silly. She should go ahead and call him tomorrow during her lunch break or something. If she waits too long, Zach might think that she's not really interested in him."

The buzzing sound of a text was heard on Amy's phone. She glanced down at it and a smile tugged at her lips.

"I guess that answers that question. Zach wants to meet up for dinner and a movie next Saturday."

Penny smiled. "I'm happy for you, Amy." Her smile slipped when she saw Amy staring glumly down at the text. "What's wrong?"

"It's just...I mean, I know Sheldon and I are over but for some reason I feel guilty for going out with another guy." Amy stared down at her lap, picking invisible lint off of it.

Bernadette gave her a genuine look of surprise. "No, you shouldn't be feeling guilty at all. It's been a whole year, Amy. You have a right to move on with your life."

"Yeah, sweetie." Penny wrapped an arm around Amy's shoulders. "In a perfect world, a girl _would_ end up with her first love. That's why it's called a first love, though." She bit her lip. "First doesn't necessarily mean last. It means that there are so many opportunities out there for you, like Zach for instance. He might be the one for you for all you know but you'll never know unless you give him a chance."

Bernadette and Amy merely stared at Penny.

Penny gave a sheepish shrug and grinned. "OK, so I may have sort of paraphrased the beginning of that from _Sixteen Candles_ but you gotta admit that Samantha's dad was onto something. I wish my dad had been that awesome. On the rare instances that I would tell my dad about my boy troubles, he would shrug and say _'Who needs them when you can be out playing catch with your old man?_'" She pressed her lips into a thin line of irritation at the memory.

Amy chuckled. "Hearing you mention such a classic puts me in the mood to watch it." She started digging through her duffel bag and pulled out her copy of Sixteen Candles. "Hope you girls are in for an 80's film marathon."

Penny and Bernadette exchanged looks, shrugging as they did so. "Sure, why not."

* * *

Leonard couldn't have expected what he saw in a million years the moment the door to his apartment swung open. He gaped openly at Sheldon sitting in his spot as he meticulously sewed seams in his Venom costume.

"What're you doing?" Leonard groaned, tossing his keys into their bowl before closing the door behind him.

Sheldon glanced up from his work to give Leonard a deadpanned expression. "One would think it would be obvious, Leonard. I am going through with my grand villain idea."

Leonard crossed his arms over his chest. "You understand that kidnapping an actress is considered a felony, right? And even then we wouldn't exactly be playing Robin Hood here."

"Oh, of course not. Robin Hood was thinking too small." Sheldon rolled his eyes. "Honestly, stealing from the rich to give to the poor. What was he thinking?"

"Give me one good reason why I should go along with this little scheme."

"Besides, the obvious." Sheldon shook his head incredulously at Leonard. "I've already mentioned before that we would save ourselves the humiliation of sucking up, that we'd get to wear costumes as well as live out the ultimate villain dream. Also, think of all of the childhood trauma we would be making up for." He sighed when he saw Leonard's unimpressed demeanor staring back at him. "...As well as the possibility of this woman developing feelings for you through poor judgement, alcohol and a case of Stockholm Syndrome."

A smile twitched on one side of Leonard's face. "You really think there's a chance?" he asked, a goofy laugh bubbling out of his throat.

"Yes, no matter how minimal." Sheldon gave a non-committal shrug. "Stranger things _have_ happened."

"Let's say I _do_ decide to join. If you get to be Venom then who do I get to be?"

"Anyone that isn't from the DC universe. Marvel and DC should never mix. Not in my opinion at least and you know how much my opinion counts."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Right. I just want a costume that won't scare Penny too much or at all if possible. Either way, I guess she's still gonna be pretty freaked about being kidnapped and all," he mused, scratching his head.

"So...Dr. Lizard then?"

Leonard gave him a flat look. "Alright, I'm in. But nothing over the top. I want her to be...comfortable."

"As comfortable as an actress turned hostage can be," Sheldon swore, getting back to sewing his costume.

"I'm gonna go get some of my comic books for villain ideas." Leonard laughed lightly. "I think this is actually gonna be kind of fun. Comic-Con still isn't for at least another two months so this will at least give us the chance to put our costumes to good use."

Sheldon smiled one of his rare genuine smiles. "That's the positive attitude I want to hear! Now, don't dawdle too much about costume decisions. Our kidnapping commences tonight at precisely eight o' clock."

And so at precisely eight o'clock, both geniuses found themselves on the edge of the movie set.

"There she is," Sheldon whispered, pressing himself against the brick wall of the building as he craned his head for a better look. "She's making this too easy for us, Leonard."

They were each dressed in their respective villain costumes- Sheldon as Venom and Leonard as the Hobgoblin. Leonard peeked over Sheldon's shoulder and couldn't help but smile upon seeing the back of Penny's blonde head.

"Alright, just to be clear on what we're going to do. I'm going to chloroform her and then you carry her to the trunk."

"Yeah. With what upper body strength?" Leonard asked sardonically.

Sheldon considered this for a moment. "That leaves me out as well. It appears we've reached an impass."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Just grab her arms. I'll grab her legs."

"Sounds reasonable enough. I'm going to approach her now. Once I've reached the trailers, go pop the trunk open on the car so we'll be ready to take off as soon as I chloroform her." Sheldon yanked his mask over his head, adjusting it properly into place before taking half a step forward. He started fast walking across the grassy expanse, trying to make as least amount of noise as possible. As soon as his feet touched the concrete, he clumsily rolled onto it before leaping up and pressing his back against one of the movie star's trailers.

Sheldon peeked around the side of the trailer to see Penny from the back, muttering to herself as she studied her script. He tip-toed like a ninja as he approached her. He hesitated for only a moment before grabbing the blonde actress' arm and pressing the chloroform rag against her nose and mouth. A muffled squeal was felt against his hand as she tried to squirm away. The woman's knees almost instantly buckled underneath her, her blonde bangs flopping over her face as she fell against Sheldon. Leonard started running toward them and quickly knelt by the woman's side.

"Watch her head," Leonard instructed as he carefully grabbed her legs and pulled her up.

They started carrying her toward Leonard's car and gently settled her into the trunk. They glanced around to see the coast was clear. No one had heard or seen the disturbance.

"Should we tie her up?" Leonard asked.

Sheldon's back straightened at this. "Actually, that's a good idea now that I think about it but I'm afraid we didn't bring any rope or tape. Remind me to remind you to pick some up tomorrow. You're turning out to be quite the sidekick, Leonard. I'm almost glad I didn't go to Raj instead for assistance."

"The Hobgoblin was no sidekick. And hey, what do you mean you're glad you didn't choose Raj over me?!" Leonard cried out indignantly.

Sheldon blinked. "I mean precisely what I said. Raj's inability to speak to women would have been ideal for this situation. There would have been no danger of him creating an emotional bond with Penny or giving into his baser urges because of it."

"I am _not_ going to have an emotional bond with Penny or let my baser urges take over," Leonard denied. "Look, let's just get out of here before someone sees us, _please_."

"Fine."

Sheldon closed the trunk and got into the passengers side. When Leonard got into the driver's seat and turned on the ignition, Sheldon started bouncing in his seat with great enthusiasm.

"Ooh! Ooh! We should stop at the train store!"

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Sheldon, we have a _woman_ in our trunk. She might suffocate in there while we wait for you to decide what new train would go best with your trainset."

Sheldon considered this for a moment. "You're right...we'll go tomorrow!" He chirped. "Immediately after work."

Leonard chewed the inside of his mouth, but otherwise said nothing to his irritating friend. He checked his watch as they sailed through traffic. That's when they noticed the sirens behind them.

"Oh, my God." Leonard gripped the steering wheel. "What did I do? Did I run past a stop sign? Red light?"

Sheldon sighed. "Calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down! We have a _woman_ in our trunk and we just got pulled over by the cops so don't tell me to _calm down_," Leonard hissed.

"Ssh! He's coming," Sheldon muttered, staring forward into the distance. "Turn on the lights and keep your hands on the wheel." Leonard did as he told, swallowing hard as the distance between them and the cop became smaller and smaller. "Cops have also admitted to letting attractive women go home free without a ticket, but I'm afraid you don't have the right equipment for this type of situation."

Before Leonard could retort, a knock was heard at his window. Leonard rolled down the window, instantly returning his hands to the wheel as he did so.

"Something wrong, Officer?" Leonard asked meekly.

"You were going thirty-five in a thirty mile radius," said the cop.

Leonard gave him a shaky smile. "Ah, I see...foot must have slipped. I was just a little too eager to get home I guess."

"License and registration please."

"Right. Of course. Sheldon?"

Sheldon popped the glove compartment open and handed both items to Leonard who handed them to the cop. He looked the items over, seeming satisfied before something in the car seemed to catch his eye. The cop shined a light inside of the car and raised an eyebrow at their clothing and Sheldon's Venom mask in his hand.

"What's with the costumes? Halloween's still a long way off."

Leonard glanced out of the corner of his eye to see if Sheldon would jump in to help but Sheldon was too focus on staying perfectly still as he stared forward.

"We umm...we're just coming back from Comic-Con."

The cop raised an eyebrow. "What're you playing at? Comic-Con's not for another two months."

Leonard gaped at him for a moment before ducking his head and whispering, "Didn't think you would know that."

"What?"

"Umm...did I say Comic-Con? Sorry, I've been driving for so long that my head's all messed up. I meant to say we're coming back from a costume party."

The cop looked quite stern before he broke out into a full on grin. "Alright." He shook his head. "I guess." He returned Leonard's license and registration with a chuckle. "You both seem like a nice couple of guys but I'm afraid I still gotta give you that ticket.

Leonard nodded. "I understand."

The cop scribbled down a ticket and handed it to Leonard. "Drive safe."

"We will," Sheldon finally piped in.

Just as Leonard was driving off, Sheldon glanced in his direction for the briefest instant.

"Comic-Con? Really?"

Leonard's mouth twisted into a scowl. "Well, I didn't see you jumping in to help me."

"The _important_ thing is that he let us go without checking the car for anything suspicious," Sheldon stressed, waving his hand in dismissal.

"Whatever," Leonard muttered.

Just as they arrived outside of their apartment at Los Robles, something big suddenly occurred to Sheldon.

"Jeepers, we not only forgot to bring something to tie Penny up with but we also forgot to bring some sort of trunk to deposit her in to get her upstairs."

Leonard hit his head lightly against the wheel. "We really didn't think this through." He heaved a long sigh. "Alright, wait here. I'll go empty out one of my trunks from my closet and bring it down."

Sheldon leaned against his seat, rapping his fingers against the dashboard as he anxiously awaited Leonard's return. The thought of being left alone in the dark with a body albeit a live one creeped the bejesus out of him. A few minutes later, Leonard came stumbling through the glass doors, dragging a large trunk behind him. As soon as Leonard was a mere few feet away from the car, Sheldon leaped out of the car to pop open the trunk. Leonard made his way to the back of the car, panting raggedly as he dropped the trunk.

"Help me- help me put her in," Leonard croaked out, rifling through his pocket for his inhaler. He lifted it up to his mouth and took a quick drag from it.

They resumed their earlier agreement where Leonard would grab Penny's legs and Sheldon would grab her arms. They gently deposited the unconscious woman into the trunk and promptly snapped the latches shut. Sheldon grabbed one end of the trunk while Leonard grabbed the other end as they made their way into the apartment and up the stairs.

"Did anyone inquire about the trunk?" Sheldon asked.

"Well umm...I ran into Mrs. Vartabedian on her way to the laundry room. I told her I was packing for a road trip."

"Reasonable response." Sheldon canted his head in approval. "However, once she sees that you haven't left anywhere, it will draw suspicion."

Leonard sighed for the umpteenth time as they finally reached the third floor.

"So I'll just tell her that something came up and I wasn't able to go on the road trip, unfortunately." Leonard let go of the trunk to fish his keys out of his pocket. "Don't overanalyze just help me get her inside."

Sheldon surprisingly shut his mouth and did as he was told. As soon as they had set the trunk down, Sheldon went to bolt the door shut. Both men stood staring down at it in disbelief.

"We did it." Leonard grinned. "We actually did it."

"That we did."

Leonard kneeled down to undo the latches and slowly lifted the top to reveal the young actress. His smile was wiped clear off his face he saw her hair look slightly out of place along with her bangs covering over half her face.

"That's weird...I didn't know she wore a wig," he muttered to himself, reaching out to remove it.

A sharp gasp left his throat as he dropped the wig onto the floor.

"What is it?" Sheldon demanded to know.

"Take a look."

Sheldon move closer to the trunk and his eyes widened at the sight. Amy lay in the trunk, sleeping completely undisturbed, wearing the kind of dress he'd thought he'd never see on her.

"I can't believe we kidnapped the wrong girl! Your ex-girlfriend no less!"

Sheldon merely stared down transfixed at Amy's sleeping face

"We can fix this."

"The hell we can. It's not like we can go back and exchange her for Penny."

"...Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Alright, then. Regardless, she knows too much. She'll..." The next few words were hard to force out. "She'll just have to stay here for the time being."

"Now we're keeping two girls here?" Leonard tossed his hands up in utter frustration. "This is insane."

"Don'tchu quit on me now, Leonard," Sheldon snapped, his Texas drawl coming out. "This here is just a...a minor setback is all." He started twitching sporadically.

"We'll have to keep her in your room since Wolowitz and Koothrapalli come over often."

"My room? Dear lord. Why my room?" Sheldon shook his head. "You know that no one goes in my room."

Leonard crossed his arms, looking amused. "That didn't seem to be an issue for you before."

Sheldon glared at him. "That is irrelevant. I no longer have an emotional bond with this woman." He frowned in disdain at her dress that was riding dangerously up her thighs. "I hardly even recognize her anymore."

"Actually, I think she looks pretty cute, Sheldon." Leonard smiled.

"Of course you would...also stop looking at her. She may not be mine but she sure as heck won't be gawked at by other men," he grumbled.

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Relax, Sheldon. We'll put her in my room for the time being whenever the guys come over and once the guys leave, we'll have her sleep on the couch. Sound fine to you?"

"Hey, guys! Open up, we brought the pizza!"

Leonard and Sheldon froze at the sound of Raj's voice.

"What the frack?! What are they doing here? Sheldon, I thought you were gonna tell them dinner tonight was a no go."

Sheldon looked nervous as she shifted from foot to foot. "You know very well how difficult it is for me to lie." When Leonard shot him a withering look, he quickly added, "_Including_ over the phone."

"Are you guys gonna open the door or what? The boxes are hot, ya know!" Howard cried out.

* * *

**A/N: The beginning of one big crazy adventure for all of them. Sorry, there wasn't much Shamy in this chapter. I will make it up to you guys in the next chapter and all the ones that follow. Also, yes I know, starting out a fic with a broken up Shamy isn't gone bode well for most. :) That's why I'm going to need you guys to trust me. There's going to be lots of great Shamy moments and of course, they **will** have their happy ending. Plz R/R for a quick update!**


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